Dead Letters
by Divepup
Summary: Death is easy. Peaceful even. - Living. Now that's harder. After New Moon, instead of happily ever after, Bella dies. But she leaves something behind. NOT TYPICAL STORY! Give it a chance. Won't be sorry.
1. Tears Of An Angel

**Playlist: **

**Tears of An Angel RyanDan**

**Memories by Within Temptation**

**The Vesion by X-ray Dog**

**Run by Snow Patrol**

**One Family by Mark Mancina & Phil Collins**

**~Tears of An Angel ~**

_Death is easy. Peaceful even._

_Living. Now that's a bit more complicated._

**BPOV(The song for this chapter is Tear of an Angel by RyanDan. It's a really good song, LISTEN TO IT!)**

"Jeez, Bells. Got milk?" I looked through the foggy glass bottom of the cup. The weird brown bear depicted there was oddly reminiscent of my best friend: Jacob Black, werewolf of La Push and friend to all. Except my boyfriend. Edward wasn't Jacob's number one fan either.

I pulled the drained glass away from my face to glower at the seven foot giant in front of me and set it on the counter. I rolled my eyes. "You'll forgive me for being thirsty, I'm sure."

He laughed, the fun, happy Jacob-laugh I loved to hear. "That's like your fourth cup, Bells." I raised an eyebrow. Had I really had that much? "Soon you'll have to go milk the cow yourself."

I shook my head and moved past him into his living room, where Emily and the Pack were watching a movie. I hadn't really been paying attention; something to do with the dead coming back to life, I'm sure.

I sat down and glanced at the screen. Yep – the main character was just getting mauled. I rolled my eyes and grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl – Paul protested, claiming I was hogging the bowl, needless to say he would be dead if my glares would work the way they were supposed to.

After the movie was done and all of mankind was saved by Barbie-lookalike and Ken, I bid Jacob and the others goodbye. I opened the door to go out and – surprise, surprise – it was literally pouring buckets.

I gave one last wave to Jake, then turned and ran through the rain, trying my best not to stumble into a puddle. Surprisingly, I made it with little difficulty. I turned the heater on at full blast, then pulled away from the curb.

I was past the invisible borderline when I heard it – my truck seemed to be making one of those noises mechanics delight in making you repeat for them multiple times. I pulled over to the shoulder of the road, watching steam rise from underneath the hood.

I scowled in the general direction of the problem, then rummaged around in my bag for the cell phone Edward gave me when I insisted on going to La Push to see Jacob a month ago.

I flipped it open and pressed the power button.

I pressed the power button again.

I sighed and threw it back into bag. Ok, so I was several miles away from home, my car broke down, I have no cell phone, and it's pouring so hard I can barely see twenty feet in front of me. My prospects of having a good night are slim to none.

I leaned my forehead against the steering wheel and thought. I knew this road well, I had traveled it a lot in my lifetime. About half a mile down the road was a bus stop, and another mile ahead of that is a gas station. I made a quick plan.

Ok, I'll go to the bus stop, if there's no bus coming through in the next hour, I'll continue on to the gas station and hitchhike from there. Lovely.

I grudgingly got out of the car and started walking. Here's why I wasn't running: a) I would most likely fall on my face, b) It's half a mile – I'm not exactly athletic c) I'd be soaked either way.

It was a very long walk, ending in a small little booth that looked like it might cave under the downpour. I squelched when I sat.

I leant back on the back of my shelter and closed my eyes, resting a bit, before I opened them to look at the schedule and checked my watch. It was about ten at night and there was one due in fifteen minutes. I smiled and relaxed. For once, something seems to be going right tonight.

That left me time to wonder why Alice hadn't come to pick me up. Did she not see I was in trouble? I was soaked and would most likely catch a cold. She wasn't concerned? I knew I had no real reason to gripe, but I was wet and very hungry, which was odd, considering I had eaten no more than an hour ago and it had been a lot.

The bus arrived, interrupting my self-pity session. I ran to meet it and paid the fair without complaint. I trudged to the middle of the bus and sat down. I glanced around and noticed, without any real surprise, there were only two other people on the bus with me.

One was a lady in an expensive business suit across from me, chatting away on her cell phone, assuring her husband she was almost home and to start dinner without her. The other was an elderly man at the front, sleeping peacefully against the window.

_**Start Run by Snow Patrol here(it's more dramatic)**_

I sighed and leaned back in my plastic chair, watching as the rain came down outside. It was oddly peaceful and very quiet.

There was an odd squealing noise next, starting as a slow whine, then escalating rapidly to an ear shattering shriek. I turned my head towards the business woman, seemingly the source.

I watched in horror as a bright light came from behind her, illuminating every angle of her alarmed expression and outlining her in a halo. She was looking towards me, her fear etched permanently into my memory.

Then the glass exploded around her, jolting her towards me, but not before I saw the look on her face. She was dead before she hit the ground.

I blacked out.

Pain. Ripping and roaring through me. It felt like I had been stabbed through the leg with a knife the size of Kansas. I couldn't feel half of my body, and for that I was thankful; just this pain was enough to make me scream in agony.

With tremendous effort, I pulled my eyelids open. I could see with the light from the car that hit us. With a start, I realized that whatever hit us must have been a really big eighteen-wheeler. I had enough light to make out my surroundings – the bus was flipped on it's side and I was where my window used to be.

Everything hurt. I looked down and almost fainted at the sight. My right leg had been impaled on one of the handrails and it was sticking through. I could feel the same situation with my shoulder and I was at an awkward angle. Perhaps something had happened to my spine – that was why I couldn't feel half my body and couldn't move either.

Oh, God. Edward.

Tears filled my eyes. I knew it – I knew I wasn't going to make it. I was too hurt. Last time he had thought I was dead, he had tried to kill himself.

In that moment, I felt an instinct kick in. I recognized it – it was the same way I had felt as I had run through Volterra, desperate to save him. I had to give him a message – tell him to stay alive. But I didn't know how and I felt it – the inky blackness, waiting to consume me. I was dying – fast.

I looked around franticly. Everything was blurry from my tears. I could make out that there were several seats on my side of the bus and that there were sparks flying from a broken wire farther towards the front, but that's all I could see.

The darkness started at the edges, seeping deeper and deeper into my vision.

Then I heard it – a ripping and roaring sound coming from the top of the bus. There were sirens in the distance, growing closer.

"Bella!" I heard someone yelling. I couldn't comprehend much anymore – the darkness had nearly consumed my sight. "Bella!" I heard it again. Whoever it was was either really angry or really scared.

I groaned, meaning to tell them where I was. I looked up. There, his beautiful face outlined by the light, was Edward. I could see him through the foggy glass.

And for a moment, the darkness stopped, granting my deepest wish – to be able to see my love one last time. With all the strength I had left, I reached forward, stretching my arm towards him.

His face became panicked when he spotted me, horror-filled. In a flash, the window was gone. He darted to my side, taking my outstretched hand in his. "Bella." I wasn't sure anymore what emotions his voice held, the darkness had resumed it's advance.

"Edward." I choked on his name, feeling the blood fill my mouth. Breathing was hard, sharp pains accompanied every shallow breath.

"Shhh, Love. Don't speak." He said, his eyes roaming over my injuries. When they came back to my face, they were filled with immense pain. And even though I was in so much pain, James' injuries seemed like scrapes, I wanted only to comfort him.

I reached up and cupped his face with my other hand, forcing him to meet my eyes. "I…love…" I choked again, but kept my eyes on his. "you…Edward." I panted and gritted my teeth against the pain. "I always will."

"Bella, no." He said, near hysterical. "You can't leave me, please." He whispered, tears he couldn't shed filling his eyes. I tried my best to smile, I almost succeeded.

"My angel." I sighed. "My Edward."

I felt myself drift then, all pain disappearing without a trace.

**------------------------------------------------------------------**

**I know, I'm evil for killing Bella, but I wanted to explore something...(dramatic music plays)**

**Ok, so tell me what you think. Should I post the rest, or just give up? Reviews let me know how you feel (and make me happy) ;)**

**REVIEW!**


	2. Sorrow

**Sorrow**

I frowned. There was no pain, no sound; for goodness' sake I couldn't even feel a breeze. My eyes flew open, spinning to find out what happened.

I was standing there, beside Edward. I couldn't have been gone for more than a second, because he was still knelt over my body, holding my hand. There was something surreal about watching your own hand fall, and not being able to feel it.

"Bella!" Edward yelled at my body. "Bella, come back!" He took my face in his hands, trying to get me to respond. I knelt down beside him, looking at myself. I looked even more horrible than I thought.

I had deep scratches all over my body, an enormous gash at my hairline, streaking my face with blood. Both my shoulder and leg had been impaled.

I tried to touch his shoulder, tell him I was right there, to turn around and look at me. But my hand went through his shoulder, not even ruffling the fabric. And so I watched helplessly as Edward tried everything he could to wake me.

He tried CPR, the breathing thing, but I knew it was no use. I wished I could feel it – feel his hard lips against mine, his hands trying to keep my heart going. But I couldn't. Nothing from my surroundings seemed to effect me.

I looked at myself quickly. I was wearing the same thing I had been wearing all day, but there were no traces of damage. There were no holes or tears – I wasn't even wet. I looked back up in time to see Carlisle arrive outside the window.

For the first time I had ever seen him, Carlisle didn't look calm. He looked absolutely terrified, looking quickly from his son to my body and back. What was even odder about my new state was – I could see every movement, no matter how fast they were. I watched Carlisle run to Edward's side and check my pulse.

His eyes widened when he found none, then, without hesitation, he bent his face to my neck and bit me. I still didn't feel anything. "Edward, you have to keep her heart going – spread the venom throughout her whole body." He said in an urgent voice. Edward kept going.

I looked outside and could see everything perfectly. Ambulances had arrived, loading what looked like the bus driver and the truck driver into the back. There were a couple of medics outside, watching as Carlisle and Edward tried to save me. The police cars were arriving now, and I watched in horror as Charlie came out.

He ran towards the wreck with a concerned, yet professional look on his face. And I watched as it fell. He took a quick look at Carlisle and Edward, at their horrific and determined expressions and then his eyes zeroed in on my face. He looked like he was going into shock, his hand went to grip the side of the bus and his eyes bulged. Tears started filling his eyes.

I walked over and, though I knew he wouldn't feel it, wrapped my arm around his shoulders.

God seemed to have given me a chance – a way to tell them goodbye. So that's what I did. I told him everything I couldn't seem to get out when I was alive.

"Dad. I love you. More than you could ever possibly imagine and more than you'll ever know. I know that we never really did anything together and when we did, it was awkward. But I want you to know that however awkward it was, I still loved doing it. Heck, I'd go fishing with you willingly now, just so I could tell you these things and have you hear them. I'm going to miss you." To my surprise, I could cry. I felt the tears coming down my face, but I made no move to wipe them. Who would see?

I pulled back, surveying what else was happening. I froze when I saw them, though.

Esmé, Emmett, Rosalie, Alice…even Jasper were standing there, their eyes glued to what was happening to my body.

Esmé was holding to the tree and staring at my face. I could hear her pleading under her breath, even this far away. "Please….please, Bella, just open your eyes…please." Emmett was standing there, looking stunned, while holding onto Rosalie for dear life. To my surprise, Rosalie's expression mirrored her husband's. Shock, fear, even love. She didn't want me to die.

Jasper looked like he was in immense pain and was holding a squirming Alice. Her eyes were glued to my face, her expression heartbreaking. Her face was a mask of complete horror and guilt. Jasper pulled her tightly to him and she clung to him, closing her eyes and burying her face in his chest, dry sobbing.

I turned back to Edward, I'm sure my face had the same expression. By now, the EMTs were cutting in, telling Edward to stop, it was no use. Carlisle had to physically pull him away from me, and even then his eyes didn't leave mine. Charlie knew what had happened – he knew I wasn't coming back. I could see that was going to be hard for him to accept.

I followed as they put me on the gurney, covering my face with a white cloth. I sat in the very back of the ambulance, beside Edward. He seemed to be in shock and immense pain. And although I knew he wouldn't feel it, I slipped my small hand into his large white one, holding it so it looked like we were holding hands, even though only I would know.

I stayed in the hospital waiting room with him as they took my body away. I sat with Alice and told her how much I would love to have one last shopping trip with her, even though I hated it.

Carlisle came back in, about two hours later, and walked straight to Edward. I got up and walked over to stand beside my fiancé, though he would never know I had accepted him. Carlisle raised his closed hand in front of him in the universal sign for 'take it'. Edward opened his hand, and Carlisle dropped my necklace into it.

I had made it after Edward proposed. Edward had insisted I keep the ring, even if it was in the box. He thought I had left it there – in the box and underneath the floorboard in my room. But I hadn't.

Alice had come over when she saw me going through my jewelry box, asking what I was looking for. I had told her. She had smiled and handed me a long gold chain, just long enough to hide under a shirt. And I had kept it there, close to my heart until I had the courage to officially accept.

Now my gold chain, with Elizabeth Masen's wedding ring, was lying in the middle of his palm. He stared at the gold chain in shock for a moment, then closed his eyes and fist, lifting it to rest against his lips.

"I always would have chosen you." I whispered, looking at his beautiful face.

We went back to the Cullen mansion in silence, except the occasional dry sob from Alice or Edward. They walked in without saying anything and went to their rooms. I followed Edward.

He sat down on the bed – the bed he had bought just for me – and stared at his closed fist. He hadn't let go of the necklace since Carlisle had given it up. Slowly, he opened it.

My very first reaction to his proposal had been…I suppose it would have been shameful. I had freaked out and had insisted on not even trying it on, but I had seemingly grudgingly kept it.

I knew now that I should have explained myself – why I was so afraid of such a thing as marriage. But I never did. He still thought I hadn't wanted that.

The ring itself was every girl's dream. Gold and intricate, with just the right amount of gemstone, not flashy but…well, perfect. The chain Alice had chosen had been a simple, thin gold twist.

I had been wearing the ring like that for about a month now – I only took it off when I slept and Edward had a chance to see it. It was comforting – like a promise that I would, but not yet.

Edward closed his hand again and curled into a tight ball, pressing it against his forehead. I walked over and wrapped my thin fingers around the intricate metal flower at the foot of the bed. To my surprise, my hand didn't go through, but I still didn't feel it. I pulled my hand back and tried to whack it. It went through. Bugger.

Apparently I could get distracted pretty easily. I refocused on Edward's quivering figure and moved to sit beside him on the bed. "Edward." I sighed. I knew he would be sad, but that was the opposite of what I wanted. I wanted him to be happy, to be…not quite normal, but at least be able to talk to his family. "I don't want you unhappy. I know you won't hear me, but I am right here. I'm here, and I'm going to stay for as long as I can."

**PRESS THE BUTTON.** _You know you want to._


	3. Dead Letters

**_I know - you're shocked. I updated. I'm such a rebel._**

**Dead Letters**

In two days, I finally got fed up of being invisible and stormed angrily down the stairs and into the kitchen. I had figured out almost immediately that doors didn't have to be open for me to walk through, but the door to the kitchen was one of those push-and-swing ones. The type usually found in diners.

As I passed through it, not really paying much attention to anything besides my obvious frustration, it swung slightly. No more than and inch, but it swung.

I stared at the door, dumbfounded. I went through it again. Nothing. I tried running through it at full force. Swing. Bigger this time, almost three inches.

I smiled. Things were looking up.

"What was that?" I heard Esmé say, coming downstairs. Her eyes were weary-looking. She had been crying. She came in to the kitchen and looked at the floor, confused.

She obviously couldn't find a rational explanation as to why the flour had suddenly decided to vacate the shelf. I had been working for a good five minutes to shift it off the shelf, hoping it would break when it fell. No such luck.

I was 'causing' weird things to happen around the Cullen household, hoping I could somehow write a quick message. Somehow, I always seemed to fail.

I had tried 'causing' several vases to break, seemingly out of nowhere, thinking I could maybe use the pieces, but Esmé cleaned it up before I could do much. Though a couple times they saw me do it right in front of them, they dismissed it quickly.

It was beyond infuriating.

Alice had recovered enough to stop Edward from disappearing several times, bless her. He now had either Esmé, Jasper, or Emmett nearby at all times nowadays. I had hoped that he would get better, but it just seemed to be getting worse. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

My funeral was a…respectful affair. Ok, it was beyond quiet.

Barely anyone moved at all while the Pastor was speaking, and even when they did, they got venomous looks from everyone else. Needless to say, I was bored of my skull.

I know, I know. Attending your own funeral must seem extremely interesting. Let me assure you: it's not.

People I hardly knew got up and spoke about how 'good' I was and how I was 'so quiet', but none of them really knew me.

Then, to my surprise, Edward got up. I almost got up with him, thinking it was over, but no – he walked to stand in front. I sat back down on the grass beside his seat.

"Isabella Marie Swan." He said, looking down, then he looked up and through the crowd. He paused near where I was sitting, and for a minute – a heart-wrenching moment – I thought he saw me. But he moved on. "Isabella doesn't exist." Murmurs. "Only _Bella_ did." I smiled. Even when I'm dead, he'll still stuck to my preferences.

"Bella was one of the most…unique people I had ever met, one of the truly self-less ones. She never cared what would happen to herself – the only things that ever mattered were the ones she loved." I could feel the tears welling in my eyes and all I wanted to do was stand up and shout at him: I'm here! I'm here! Can't you see me?

"I am more than honored to count as one of those things she loved." I whole-heartedly agreed with that. "And I am afraid to face what the world is like without her."

"I loved her more than I ever thought possible, and it hurts to think I can't watch her smile at something Emmett says, hear her laugh over something no one else would consider funny until she points it out, or feel her arms around me when she gives me a hug." His voice broke several times, a jolting melody.

"She counted me and my family as friends, even after we left, even when we hurt her. She accepted Alice back with open arms." I smiled. I had actually flung myself at her. "She always thought of Carlisle and Esmé as her extra set of parents, and my brothers as her own. The only thing she said to me when we finally saw each other again was 'Don't do it again'. And I promised I wouldn't – I would never leave her side."

"I was too late to save her life, and I was too late to do anything to help. The last thing she said was she loved me." I saw him grip the stand for help to remain standing. "And I will never love anything as much as I loved her."

With that, he walked off the stage and took his seat. Charlie reached forward and patted his shoulder.

I just stared. Charlie finally accepts him back, and I can't be visible to say 'I told you so?' Life is cruel. Or rather, death is.

I stayed with Edward in his room for two days. Every once in a while I would talk to him – in a vain attempt to cheer him up, that never worked, might I add. He stayed curled up under the covers, and would smell the pillow every once in a while. Just out of curiosity, I sniffed it too – it smelled like my strawberry shampoo.

A couple of times, he spoke. No one was there, but he would ask a random question out of nowhere, as if he knew subconsciously I was there.

"I thought you hated the very idea of marriage." He muttered one afternoon, staring at the necklace as if trying to depict a very complicated puzzle. I sighed and walked back to sit beside him on the bed.

"It wasn't that." I muttered, looking down and rubbing my knees. "I…well, it would sound stupid, but I didn't want to be _that_ girl. The one who get's married strait out of high school, gets knocked up a month later, etc. I just…I should have accepted."

I looked at him, wondering – not for the first time – if he could hear me, if somehow my presence helped. As usual, he didn't respond.

My father came over three days after the funeral.

Carlisle opened the door and greeted him, inviting him in, but Charlie politely declined. He looked really bad, but determined. He was holding a shoe box.

I smiled. I remembered that shoebox, and I knew why he was here.

Charlie held it out for Carlisle.

"What is this?" Asked Carlisle, reaching forward to accept.

"Are you familiar with the term 'Dead Letters'?" Charlie asked, looking down.

"No, not really." Admitted Carlisle, curious.

"Oh. An actual dead letter is a letter that has never been delivered because the person to whom it has been written cannot be found, and it also cannot be returned to the person who wrote it." Carlisle stiffened, probably sensing where Charlie was going. "When Bella first learned this she…well she thought it was literal – letters from the dead." By now, the whole family was standing behind Carlisle.

"So, every year since she was six, she's been writing these." He tapped the top of the box in Carlisle's hands. "She usually burned the old ones every year, but these were dated just over a month ago – two weeks before she died."

Everyone's eyes focused on the box, which had suddenly become beyond precious. I couldn't believe it – Charlie had found them. I had completely forgotten about them. I had stuck them in their box, the shoved it into four other boxes and buried it underneath all of the clothes Alice had banished to the back of my closet.

"I think there's one for each of you." Said Charlie, before turning and leaving abruptly.

After a minute, Carlisle turned, closed the door, and headed for the dining room. We were all there within seconds. They sat in their places, not taking their eyes off the box.

Carlisle gently, slowly even, removed the lid to reveal seven envelopes, each addressed to their respective owner.

"There's even one for me?" Breathed Rosalie, shocked and surprised. I smiled. She thought I would leave her out?

Carlisle took the top note and slid it to her across the table. She looked at it for a minute, then held it to her chest. Emmet was next, then Jasper and Esmé's, Alice next, he set his own aside, and then Edward's. Edward took it with a shocked, pained look on his face.

"Why didn't she tell us?" Asked Emmett, oddly quiet and staring at his own.

Edward snorted. "She probably didn't think it relevant. Many things she did had hidden meanings." He muttered, running his white fingers over the place where I wrote his name.

"I think we should be alone when we read these – their addressed to each of us for a reason." Said Carlisle, getting up. Everyone nodded and shuffled away, to different places.

_**Each letter will be a short chapter and in the view of the recipient, except Edward's **_


End file.
